Care For Kids - Nuriootpa

Coming Soon!!!

Community Education Day

‘Kids & Safety’

Guest Speaker Helen Knoblett

From Kidsafe

Date: June 17^th

Time: 9.45am for coffee – 10am start

Place: St Petri Hall

We are currently running a study/discussion Series called HELP! I’m a mother now. HELP stands for Helping Each Other Love Parenting.

we have enjoyed the first session very much. It was titled; “How come I got an A for Biology and a D for Motherhood. – Dealing with feelings of Frustration, Failure and Guilt.

We hope you can make it to our next session of HELP. I think it will be called “If I thought it was going to be this hard I never have volunteered.” Dealing with lack of sleep, support and surrender.

Dear Lord,

So far today, I’m doing all right…

I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have charged nothing on my credit card…

But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think I will really need your help then.

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are
12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real - life event.

1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: - go to the local chemist
tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home and pick up the paper; read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to
run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners etc.
Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag, weighing approx.
8-12lbs. At 10 pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again with the bag till 1 am. Put the alarm on for 3 am. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2 am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45 am. Get up again at 3 am when alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am. Wake up at 5 am. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years and look cheerful!

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo adn leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds, then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems; first by an octopus and a string bag. attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of its arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

6. Take and egg carton. Using a scissors and a pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet tube. Using only sticky tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christams Cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball and an empty packet of Coco Pops adn make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations you have just qualified for a place on the playgroup committee.

7. Forget the Celica and buy a Camry Wagon. Don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate icecream bar and put it in the glovebox. Leave it there. Get a 50 c piece and stick it in the CD Player. Take a family sized packet of chocolate cookies and mash them down the back seats. Run a rake along both sides of the car. There perfect!

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out, come back in. go out again, walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 mins. Stop to inspect minutely every piece of rubbish and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps and fetch the dropped toy, dummy, hat. Stop and scream that you can't take anymore until the neighbours come out and stare. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five time.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a goat is an excellent stand in. If you intend to have more than one child, take more goats. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling adn swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy weetbix and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be and aeroplane. Continue until half the weetbix is gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls onto the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12 month old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character on Postman Pat, Wiggles adn Hi-5. When you find yourself singing 'Postman Pat' at work you finally qualify as a parent.

J A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

	*Care For Kids - Nuriootpa* Care For Kids 21 Second Street, Nuriootpa 5355 Email: admin@nuriparish.org or contact (at) vodahost.com ABN 1234567890 Partner website: www.outbackjack.info Caring for young families with Jesus' love and hope!
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